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Lessons from Life – The Worst Dates Ever

All men are perverts. This is not news. It’s a fact. Men want sex, first and foremost. After that they want…Who are we kidding? There is not “after that” in their minds.

Here is a list of the ways men ruin their chances at happiness. There is a lot of the “cheap date” in this list, but being cheap isn’t the worst part of it. Moving too fast is.

One savvy online dater said that the men you meet online fit conveniently into one of four categories. Only four. They are:

-The weirdo

-God’s gift to women

-The sex hound

-The quality man

The Weirdo

The weirdo is the guy with a strange angle. Maybe it’s the Viking helmet and horns on his Harley. Maybe it’s the purple velvet jumpsuit. But it’s something way out of the usual. He thinks it makes him stand out. And it does, but it does not put him in a flattering light.

God’s Gift to Women

God’s gift to women can’t stop talking about his money, his house, his car…all the stuff he has. What he’ll never talk about is you or what he values in a woman. He is constantly selling and never closing the sale because he doesn’t know when to stop talking about himself and start paying attention to you.

The Sex Hound

The sex hound is after one thing and that thing comes up right away in conversation. All healthy, normal men like sex, but this one seeks nothing else.

The Quality Man

The quality man has everything you want in a long-term relationship and lives too far away from you to make a start. Or he’s married.

The Cheap Date

You must sift through the chaff. You must accept some offers to go out in the dwindling hope you will eventually meet someone you might want to spend more time with. But along that journey you are going to encounter the cheap date. Here are some of the more common ways the cheap date manifests:

He took you to a low-end chain restaurant rather than a quality place.

He forgot his wallet.

He left and stuck you with the check.

He walked you home in the rain rather than springing for a taxi.

The Truly Odd Ones

If you date relentlessly, you will eventually go out with someone whose main interest is in recruiting you into some multilevel sales organization. You may meet him at Red Lobster only to discover that he wants to share the Amway plan with you on a napkin.

Sometimes a date has a really weird hobby. He may be really, really into salamanders. He knows everything about them and wants, desperately, to share his knowledge with you. Or anyone.

Autism is quite the thing these days. Many of those suffering from autism spectrum of disorders (ASD) are rather high functioning. (They used to be called “Asperger’s.”) They may know everything about Chipotle catering prices, but ordering from the menu will be difficult. Some of them want to date. But their lack of social skills makes an emotional relationship of any kind difficult.

He’s Married

By far the worst date is the truly wonderful man who, as it eventually turns out, is already married. When it comes out, he admits it with a story about how they are either in the process of getting divorced or are legally separated. You want to believe it. Desperately. But it isn’t true. He’s not getting what he needs from his wife and he’s decided to step out. In the process, breaks your heart. And maybe his as well.


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