From all the verbal weapons that your child has, “I hate you” can cause the biggest emotional damage. These words can cause mother to think they’re bad parents and cause tears and resentment. If you recently heard these words coming out from your child’s mouth, you’re not alone. The question is, does your child really hates you? The answer is NO.
Children have limited dictionary. They can’t explain that they’re angry, frustrated or that something is wrong so often they use the words “I hate you” to express their emotions and to get what they want.
Here’s how to deal with this situation:
1. Resist the temptation to say “I hate you too”
Maybe your broken heart will make you say “I hate you too”, but this way you won’t solve the problem. This way you’ll only teach your child that the best way to deal with a verbal assault is a contra verbal assault.
2. Stay calm and focus on your child’s feelings
Your first reaction will be to scream out loud “ You can’t talk to me this way, I’m your mother” or “ Is this the way you’re thanking me”. Don’t do this. This way you’ll only show your child that you’re losing control over the situation. Don’t focus on yourself, focus on your child’s feelings.
3. Don’t underestimate your child’s feelings
Children have the need to feel that their parents understand their feelings. Show some respect towards your child’s feelings no matter how silly they look.
4. “I love you for the both of us”
Always say this when you’re faced with “I hate you.”
5. Remember that your child doesn’t mean it and has no intention of hurting you
Small children don’t have the capacity to think about other people’s feelings or how their actions influence other people. They don’t understand hate the same way as grownups. When your child says “I hate you”, he actually means “I feel angry, and saying I hate you is the only thing that came across my mind”.
6. Explain to your child that he hates some people’s actions and not people
Say to your child: “You might hate when your mommy doesn’t allow you to watch TV during dinner, but you don’t hate mommy”.
7. Teach him what words to use instead of “I hate you”
When your child is angry, teach him to say” I am angry at you” instead of “I hate you”.
8. Stop using the word “Hate“ too often.
When a child is surrounded by parents who often say “I hate my job”, ”I hate standing in lines”, he will start thinking that hate is an acceptable word and that’s why he’ll start using it.