The end of a marriage is never easy, especially if it’s due to adultery. But as hard as it is to admit, cheating is common and even the happiest couples can succumb to it. If you suspect that your spouse is not being faithful to you, it’s important not to jump to conclusions. Instead, gather as much evidence as possible. Not only does this ensure that your fears are based on in reality, but it also means that if you decide to divorce your spouse, you’ll have the evidence to succeed in court. The following guide will help you gather effective evidence and uphold your interests no matter the fate of your marriage.
Initial Investigations
When you first suspect that your spouse is cheating on you, it’s important to take a step back and examine why you think that. No matter how calm and grounded in reality you usually are, there’s always a chance you’re being paranoid. To rule this out, look for evidence of your spouse’s infidelity, which includes:
- Improved Appearance: Has your spouse suddenly become more concerned with their physical appearance? If they make an effort to dress well, get in shape, or otherwise look good, it may be that they are trying to impress someone else.
- Hostility and/or Distance: When someone is cheating, they often act withdrawn toward their spouse, become more critical of them, or both. The longer they act this way, the more likely it is that they’re not being faithful.
- Pining for Privacy: Does your spouse try to keep their computer, phone, and other communication devices private? Do they frequently leave the room when they make calls or object to you looking at text messages and emails they send? If so, they may be communicating with someone and don’t want you to know about it.
- Hiding Their Finances: Has your spouse recently opened a new bank account or credit card? Or do they frequently withdraw cash from your joint account rather than pay with their debit card? These changes suggest their spending money on something they don’t want you to know about.
- Seeking Solitude: Does your spouse frequently claim they must work late, travel on weekends, or go on errands for longer than you’d expect? All of these are common excuses for what they’re doing while they have an affair.
It’s important to remember that none of these behaviors are definitive proof of cheating and they will not hold up in a court of law. But they do tell you that something is out of the ordinary, and that your suspicions may have some basis in reality. If enough of these things have happened, you may want to confront your spouse directly about them; you shouldn’t necessarily mention cheating, but instead ask them for an explanation of their strange behavior. If they brush off your question or offer a lame excuse, you know to start gathering definitive evidence.
Seeking Strong Evidence
When seeking definitive proof that their spouse is cheating, many people will steal their spouse’s phone or computer and start looking for incriminating messages. But not only will your spouse likely have hidden or deleted such messages, but even if you find them, they won’t do you much good in a court of law. Even if your partner has openly written that they intend to have an affair, someone can say that they’re going to do something but not follow through with it. For this reason, it isn’t worth the effort and risk of stealing and searching their phone or computer.
Besides going through their messages, you should resist the urge to follow your spouse or put a tracking device on their vehicle. While this might produce more definitive evidence that they’re cheating on you, it is also likely to break laws involving stalking and unreasonable searching. This means that not only will you be unable to present this evidence in court, but you could end up getting yourself in serious legal trouble. Remember, just because your spouse cheated on you doesn’t mean they have no rights.
Ultimately, your best bet is to hire a licensed private investigator to make sure your spouse is cheating and gather admissible evidence of their behavior. “A good private investigator will know what the laws are and can keep themselves out of legal danger while obtaining evidence that is admissible in court,” says Great Neck NY private investigator Darrin Giglio. “They also understand the common habits of adulterous spouses, allowing them to find definitive evidence more quickly and effectively.”
With a private investigator by your side, you’ll have no trouble proving your spouse’s bad behavior and upholding your rights under any circumstances.