We’ve all experienced that moment where we feel like a breakup is coming (and we’re not ready for the relationship to end). In times like these, you feel hopeless, anxious, and confused. But what if there were a way to stop the breakup before it happens? Well, maybe there is.
5 Tips to Put the Brakes on a Breakup
When the breakup train is coming, it takes a lot to bring it to a screeching halt. The odds are against you – and it’s challenging to know which angle to approach it from. But all is not lost. With some discipline and commitment, you can identify the underlying problems, correct what’s plaguing the relationship, and – possibly – put the brakes on that screeching train. Here are a few pointers:
- Look in the Mirror
When you feel a breakup coming, the natural inclination is to think about all of the things that your partner has done wrong. You pick apart his flaws and think in terms of what he could be doing differently. And though he certainly has his flaws, this may not be the healthiest or most constructive path forward.
You can’t fix a bad relationship by fixing your partner. The only fixing you can do involves yourself. Take a look in the mirror and be honest about where you’re coming up short. What mistakes are you making? Which decisions of yours are frustrating your partner? This sort of personal evaluation can be eye-opening and uncomfortable, but it’s necessary.
- Stop Nagging
If there’s one thing that men can’t stand, it’s nagging. Not important reminders, but incessant, petty nagging that plays on repeat. And whether it’s the cause of your impending breakup or not, nagging certainly isn’t helping your efforts of keeping him.
You can instantly improve your relationship by eliminating the nagging and instead focusing on constructive and positive talking points. You’ll go from feeling like a threat to being seen as an “ally.”
- Have a Bigger Goal
If your ultimate goal in life – your primary focus – is to be in a relationship with this guy, you’re destined for failure. (In the relationship and otherwise.) You need to have bigger and better goals.
When you have a bigger goal outside of dating your partner, everything shifts. Suddenly he isn’t the most important thing in your life. He isn’t where your thoughts go when your mind is idle. He isn’t an obsession or a fantasy. He can still be an important part of your life – someone you deeply love and care for – but he’s just a part. You have other career or personal aspirations, which establish balance in your life.
- Seek Better Understanding
It’s possible that you don’t know your man like you think you do. And everything you’re doing is actually working against you and driving friction into the relationship. Now’s the time to invest more energy and effort into understanding who he is.
There are a variety of ways to understand your man better, for example:
- If you’re in a relationship with a Taurus man, try studying up on his zodiac sign to understand what his different thoughts and actions mean.
- Read some psychology books on men to get a better grasp of how they think and process information – particularly in dating relationships.
- Talk with your guy friends and pick their brain on how they would handle certain situations.
Anything you can do to view the relationship from his perspective will help you make better decisions about how to reconcile and grow.
- Start Communicating
At some point you have to stop working on yourself and seeking to understand him and you have to begin communicating. Good communication – meaning calm, non-accusatory, and intentional – can right a million wrongs. Take things slow and wait for the right doors to open. If you’re deliberate in your approach, you might be able to salvage the relationship.
Adding it All Up
Every relationship has its own unique elements, circumstances, and factors. It’s imperative that you consider these different issues as you uncover what’s wrong in your relationship and identify possible alternatives to a breakup.
It’s also important to consider that a breakup may be the best possible outcome. It might leave you heartbroken for a few weeks, but you have to take the long-term view. Where do you want to be in three, five, or 15 years from now? If your current relationship doesn’t appear to be headed in that direction, a change may be needed. So while the hope is always for reconciliation, don’t be so focused on your present comfort that you forget about what lies ahead.