When you first start dating someone, everything is special and exciting and we never want those moments to end. Months go by and once you get to know your partner on an intimate level, you feel like there’s nothing else to ask them. This doesn’t mean that your relationship is over. You just need to be more proactive and turn those boring conversations upside down.
“One trait of the happy couples [I’ve studied] is that they are intimately familiar with each other’s inner lives and social worlds,” explains Terri Orbuch, PhD, author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great and professor at Oakland University in Michigan.
Next time you’re with your partner, swap the old “How was your day”? with one of these expert-backed questions:
If you’ve been dating less than a year:
1. Besides our parents, who shaped you the most during your childhood and teens?
The answer will give you an insight into the most important people in your partner’s life.
2. What are the tell-tale signs that you’re stressed that no one else knows?
The answer will get you an insight into how your partner copes with stress and when things aren’t doing well. Once you learn this, you’ll be more supportive and you’ll be more able to help him cope with their issues.
3. Who was your first love and why did it end?
This question will help you understand your boyfriend’s relationship history. His answer will show you what he values in a partner and what can hurt him.
4. When’s the last time you cried?
This question will help your partner to open up more about his emotions. Whether they were angry, happy or sad tears, you’ll learn better what makes him emotional.
5. What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?
This question can lead to an interesting conversation. You’ll lean whether he’s prone to lying and does he feel regret afterwards.
If you’ve been dating more than a year:
1. How are you?
The simplest question can lead to the deepest conversation. Make eye contact and don’t interrupt your partner because it’s much about the listening. We all live fast lives and we can sometimes lose sight of what our partner is encountering on a personal level.
2. What is the one thing you want to be remembered for?
This question will help you discuss your underlying values. You’ll learn how your partner defines and see themselves. This question says that you want to know your partner better and that you’re paying attention to who he/she is.
3. What makes you feel connected or disconnected to me?
When it comes to the most intimate parts of the relationship, sometimes the directness can help you go deeper. Many couples feel disconnected when they don’t say the things out loud. You might feel a bit awkward at first, talking about these things, but in the end, discussing the things that divide you will bring you closer.
4. Remember when we…
Intimate moments always spices things up. Ask your partner about their most memorable intimate moment with you and then tell them yours. This conversation will bounce around ideas of new adventures that you’ll both enjoy. This conversation will also reveal that you’re still hot for each other.
5. What’s your biggest goal for the next 10 years?
This question will help you start an awesome conversation about compatibility. You’ll learn if your plans and goals for the future are similar. You’ll also learn whether you share the similar dreams and ambitions.