Your room, in the words of President Trump, “is a disaster.” (Okay, he didn’t say that, and if he had it wouldn’t be true, but “disaster” is still the first word that comes to mind.) You can hardly find a clear space on the floor to step. Every flat surface is piled with something that shouldn’t be there. The bed is unmade. The closet doors are open, revealing a pile of more hard-to-classify stuff.
And someone important is coming over in six minutes. What do you do?
First, let me explain why six minutes and not five or ten. When planes full of hard-core, lean and mean, US Army paratroopers get ready to jump out of moving jet aircraft at 1250 feet above the ground, the first commandfrom the jumpmaster is “Six minutes!” If they can get their entire lives in order and jump out to save the world in six minutes, you can put a paltry room in order in that amount of time as well.
Six minutes is all you need to be ready for guests. Six minutes. So, put on a piece of music that lasts just six minutes and get to work. “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen will do. By the time Freddy Mercury oozes out his last “doesn’t really matter, to meeeee…” you can answer the door.
First of all, prioritize.
Take a look around and identify the worst offender. Get rid of it. Now what is the worst offender? Get rid of that. Keep going for two minutes. Where do the Dirty Dozen go, you ask? Here is the most useful tip you may ever hear:
It its dirty dishes, they all go in the dishwasher. In any order, in any state. You’re not going to wash them, just get them out of sight.
Put anything perishable in the garbage and set the garbage outside the back door.
If it’s clothing of any kind, they all go into a dirty clothes hamper. Dirty clothes on the floor are a mess; dirty clothes in a hamper is a load of laundry. Extra tip: just throw everything into the washer and even the dryer instead. Remember, you’re not going to wash them right now, just get them out of sight.
Need more room? Throw everything else into big plastic garbage bags and put them in the closet. Including the junk that’s already there.
For books, magazines, and papers of any kind, scoop them up into piles, putting the best ones on top and put them on your desk or next to it. It makes you look intelligent. Look at what you read!
Second, hide anything personal.
Everyone has stuff no one else should see. This includes prescription drug bottles, hemorrhoid cream, that Playboy you were saving for the articles you haven’t read yet, anything you wrote for any reason. Where to hide it? Your choice. Just not someplace a new guest would likely look.
Third, open all the windows.
Even if you live in Winterfell and winter has come. Air the place out! Spray one tiny squirt of deodorizer into the middle of the room and fan it around. Don’t underestimate the subtle importance of a clean smell.
Fourth, make the bed.
Only don’t really make the bed. Just spread the top cover over it neatly. You can either smooth the linen underneath or rip it out completely and stuff it in with the other dirty clothes, whichever is faster.
Fifth, run over the room with a hand vac.
These little marvels were made by God. They will scoop up all the cheerios on the ground, the pet hair, and the tiny pieces of paper that would otherwise take you half an hour to eliminate. Swoop through the room to hit the corners and windows for spider webs.
Finally, put a clean sock on each hand.
Wet one down and wring it out. Use the wet one on sticky places and the dry one to dust. Run over all the surfaces at eye level. Remember, you’re not going for really clean, just clean-looking. Drop both socks in the laundry hamper.
You’re done!